We Planned for a Baby When We’d be Apart?

Maybe you’ve heard people joke about things not going as planned or not being able to plan anything in general when you’re a military family. Well it didn’t take long for us to learn this truth first hand…

Our plan (lol): Abram and I had decided to try for a baby the month before he was originally supposed to leave for basic. We’d decided to give baby making a shot at that point because the more we talked about it we wanted our baby to be born here in Ohio. For a couple reasons besides the obvious of wanting to start a family already. First was so our families wouldn’t have to travel across the country (or possibly the world depending on where we get stationed someday) to meet the first grandchild on both sides, we want to travel when we’re able and we don’t know the next time we’ll be back to visit. Second was because I wanted to choose my Dr. and hospital and have a good idea of their reputation as well as have the same one throughout my whole pregnancy. We honestly thought it was a long shot but wanted to at least try that month. Sure enough we got pregnant!

I should preface the following by saying I truly believe that God has a plan for our lives. As hard as it is to let go, the rest is really up to him too and you just have to trust him. I’m extremely happy that Abram joined the Air Force after looking at so many options I really think it is the best fit for us. I’m also lucky to have a husband who is able to still make me feel supported through this pregnancy even from so far away. So as much as this may sound like complaining I really am grateful for this life so far and all its twists and turns.

…So back to my story…

Abram was supposed to have 8 weeks of basic and a few segments of training to follow then I’d be able to live with him but I’d wait here until the baby was born and meet him at our new home a few weeks after her birth. We were under the impression he’d be able to come home when shes born, even if he missed the birth we thought it’d be days before he met her, tops, definitely not weeks or possibly months. Well this is the military and we were very naive and have hit a few road bumps in our “plan”

Roadbump 1: Abram’s leave date for BMT got pushed back by about two months. By the time he left I was already 16 weeks pregnant.
Roadbump 2: Once he was at BMT we quickly realized he was not going to be coming home for our child’s birth or even soon after. Meaning, what feels like, EVERYONE will meet our little girl before he does. This is the hardest part of it all for me but at this point we would’ve still been able to move to live with Abram around the same time Mila is due so the plan remained: have the baby, move a few weeks later!
Roadbump 3: Well next we find out an 8 week course has been added to Abram’s training. That’s TWO MORE MONTHS of living apart. Two months that our daughter will be born and her daddy will be 1500 miles away!

Current plan: learning to go with the flow. Easier said than done when you are 33 weeks pregnant and living in a different state than your husband! And also not in your home yet (nesting? Whats nesting?). I feel like I have gotten very lucky with this pregnancy so far which has made all of this a lot easier on me. The worst symptom I’ve had was the morning sickness which already passed by the time Abram left.  Like I said before, I’m also very lucky to have Abram, he’s made sure I feel his support and excitement even though he can’t be here and he really has been as involved as he can be every step of the way. Even when that meant picking out baby names via letters while he was at basic And Snap chatting pictures of literally every baby item that comes our way!

Yes its hard to not have him here physically by my side. I would be lying if I said it wasn’t. Its even harder when people ask if he’ll be home for her birth and I have to say “no” because as soon as I respond I feel like I’m not allowed to be excited anymore. The whole mood shifts from “yay! you’re pregnant!” to “oh that’s awful!” and as much as its a bummer that he cant be here, that’s not what either of us want this pregnancy to be about, its still exciting! Were about to welcome our first child into the world! Nothing about that is a bummer! Not to mention, if this is the only child we ever have we don’t want to look back on the pregnancy and think “oh that sucked”. We are going to do things our own way. Abram will hopefully be able to skype/facetime during Mila’s birth. I’m going to take her to visit him as soon as possible! In the meantime we just take it day by day!

So first lesson I’ve learned as an Air Force wife is don’t get too attached to your plan. Which being a “planner” that’s hard for me to let go of the control but I’m getting better!

Second lesson I’ve learned is that people will not understand and sometimes people closest to you wont even try to. Unless someone has been in the military, or even then sometimes unless they are familiar with the program Abram is in, it’s really hard for them to understand why he can’t be here. It’s hard for people to understand how you can be so excited for your child’s birth and to be able to show off this new little person to all of them but also get annoyed or saddened by their excitement because the thought of them meeting your child before you/your husband gets to, breaks your heart. It’s hard for people to understand why we’d decide to start our family right now (hopefully after this it makes a little more sense 😉 ) and I’m sure for some people its hard to understand why Abram is where he is and does what he does. But “we signed up for this” right? We did! and we knew the possibilities, even if that just meant knowing anything is possible.

I’m letting go of wishing people would get it and starting to realize that they can’t and thats okay. This life definitely isn’t for everyone. We are going to do what works for us just like we always have. After all we are the same couple who got married almost 2 years ago, after only meeting 8 months prior. We don’t exactly live our life by the book, and so far it’s been better that way!

So tomorrow I have my baby shower (YAY!) and only 7 more weeks until my due date (double YAYY!)! Over these next few weeks ill share how my baby shower goes, what I plan on packing in my hospital bag, and before you know it our birth story! and I’m sure lots in between so stay tuned!

2 Comments

  • Corry De La Cruz

    July 7, 2017

    I don’t think anyone who doesn’t have a traveling husband or in the military can understand. But you are supporting your husband as he is you knowing that can be States or countries apart. Is it a bummer your husband won’t physically be there? Of course but you are on board for the greater purpose of what his job stands for. You will have an amazing support system surrounding the birth of your little girl and after. So it doesn’t matter be EXCiTED about it all. You birth story is not a typical story it’s even better for your family is making sacrifices for millions of Americans freedoms. That’s a pretty cool story. Don’t let another person take any excitement from you. Enjoy your baby shower as they are such a blessing. You look great and I can’t wait to see your baby girl. Since I may never get one. Lol.

    Reply
    • lifeascraven@gmail.com

      July 7, 2017

      Thank you, Corry!

      Reply

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